Word of the moment: Truth

Sometimes when I run I get bored and overstimulated with the music pumping loudly into my ears through the ever tangled cord of my headphones, and decide to immerse myself in the purity of what it means to just run. Today I was forced into just such a decision when my ipod locked up and just plain stopped working. As I desperately try to recall lyrics of particularly motivating songs, or anything I could repeat to myself to simply keep moving I resign myself to “the ants go marching one be one”. After quickly fading into quiet when I couldn’t remember what the little one does when the aforementioned ants go marching three by three. I am okay with silence…I guess.

I kept hearing the phrase ” The truth will set you free” over and over in my head. What the hell does that mean? When examining my own life those words couldn’t be further from the truth. I have never been more pinned down or held more captive by anything like I have been by the truth. Fuck the truth! The truth is painful, cruel, and destructive; raw, and cannot be fully known. These are things I do not wish to experience, but somehow even sans truth and by extension sans freedom they are ever present.

So to hide the truth or to hide the lies. I believe this is a choice we all must face. I came to realize that I have made mine based on which would hurt those around me less, not which would hurt me less. I’m thinking now that this was a poor decision, maybe it’s time to be okay with other people hurting a little more if it means that I can hurt less. Perhaps that’s where one might be “set free”

originally posted on lastjenstanding.blogspot.com (3/08)